Feeling Sad

Perhaps I am just or tired or I have been working to much lately, but I really find myself missing my dad. I think about him with greater frequency and find myself "missing" his presence. It is funny because when he was alive I could go weeks and even months without seeing or talking to him, but now that he is gone I find myself regreting those long absences. I think about the times we went fishing as kids with him and the fun we had. I remember those camping trips with great fondness. I think my favorite memories of him from the recent past are the times when he lived with me and I gave him a back rub on the couch or just held him when he fell asleep in my arms. I still find myself looking for him. I can still see him coming out of that room. In fact I want him to come out of that room. I miss him. I feel really sad that he is going to miss my wedding. I just feel sad I guess. It is not fair that he had to die. It's not fair that he couldn't exorcise his own demons in this life and that they got the better of him. I feel anquish and grief over his loss. His death has shown me just how much I really cared about him. I never thought I would feel this way but I do. I miss him terribly and that surprises me given our relationship over the past few years. My Opa died a week before my dad and I don't miss him even half as much as I miss my dad. I had a better relationship with my Opa and love him deeply. But I found it easier to let him go because he was ready to go and had lived a full life. I feel like dad got cheated or cheated himself out of so many experiences and years. That makes me sad and angry. Today I feel sad and need a little sleep.