Dead Poet's

One of my favorite movies is the Dead Poets Society. It deals with a variety of subjects and one in particular is impacting on me personally. It is the subject of suicude. If you know the story then you know that the main protagonist in it commits suicide because he cannot stand up to the will of his father. This young boys eyes are awakened to Carpe Diem: Seize the Day. Our young hero who is enamoured with this idea leads the others in his group to "drink full of life". Unfortunately, he soon comes face to face with his greatest challenge namely the will of his father. And he is unwilling to stand up to him in the face of such ferocious animosity. Our hero feels trapped. And in a way he is. Trapped by his own mind. The only way out that he sees is to take his own life. I resonate with this character and his feelings.
Back in high school I played a character that committed suicide. I am not sure if it was at that moment or earlier that I had thoughts about suicide. When I have been in difficult situations and feel there is no way out those awful thoughts have come to me like a tempting mistress that beckons you to the darkness. I have spent years fighting those awful thoughts. My psychologist once told me that I use it as a coping mechanism. It had become habitual. I needed to learn find other ways to deal with my thoughts rather than allowing them to go to what was comfortable for me. Over the years I have learned to modify these thoughts and to not allow myself to feel "trapped". Being trapped is a product of ones own mind. We don't have to be controlled by these thoughts; rather, we can choose to think and thus feel differently.