Praise!

I think that most of us look for praise. We all naturally want people to like us and what we have done. I have been doing a play these days and I desire to have my guests and patron goers experience a good show. I want them to "like" my performance. I want them to enjoy our show. But what is interesting to me is that when they do "like" it or me I feel awkward. When I receive "praise" from others I feel awkward about it. I want it, but I don't want it at the same time. It is a very weird experience. I wonder why I am like that? There is part of me that feels unworthy I suppose. A sense of false humility? I don't know. Part of me feels frustrated with myself over this. And then I wonder if I am alone and am the only person that experiences this. Cognitively I know its not true but in experience I still feel alone. These are the little gremlin thoughts that run around my mind when things are quiet.

Leadership and Trust

“Leadership is all about managing people’s trust”~Kavis Reed This statement by Kavis resonates with me. I have experienced it in the working with many leaders. The ones that I would consider good or great had a lot of my trust. The ones that were crappy had little to none of my trust. But the question I ask myself is? Do I engender trust in others? Am I a trustworthy person? Do I inspire trust in others? Trust is built through integrity, honesty and doing what you say and saying what you mean. I guess for me I have to admit I am a work in progress. I desire to be a great leader. I am inspired to be so. I have all of the books and information. And yet something holds me back. My fatal flaw is consistency. I am inconsistent and in truth at times lazy. So how can my inconsistency be turned into a strength and not just be a weakness? My inconsistency can be a deterrent to building trust. I have worked hard at being clear in my communication. To being a person of integrity and honesty. I am learning to commit less and deliver more.

Cult of Personality

Look in my eyes, what do you see?
The cult of personality
I know your anger, I know your dreams
I've been everything you want to be
I'm the cult of personality

Like Mussolini and Kennedy
I'm the cult of personality
The cult of personality The cult of personality
Neon lights, a Nobel Prize
Then a mirror speaks, the reflection lies
You don't have to follow me
Only you can set me free

I sell the things you need to be
I'm the smiling face on your T.V.
 I'm the cult of personality
 I exploit you still you love me
I tell you one and one makes three
I'm the cult of personality

Like Joseph Stalin and Gandhi
I'm the cult of personality
The cult of personality The cult of personality
Neon lights a Nobel Prize
A leader speaks, that leader dies
You don't have to follow me
Only you can set you free
You gave me fortune
You gave me fame
You gave me power in your own god's name
I'm every person you need to be Oh, I'm the cult of personality I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of personality

I Dreamed A Dream

I had a dream my life would be


So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.  From Les Miserable.


i was listening to this again today. There is something in this haunting tune and the words that I resonate with. I have been thinking about my calling. My calling as a pastor was something I received just over 20 yearsa ago now and it seems to have gone off the rails. I remember my experience with God very clearly. I had a Dream my life would be...so much different from where it has taken me. I would not charactorize my current existence as hell but it certainly is not what I imagined all those years ago. I am not as I imagined all those years ago. My accomplishments, my parenting, my friendships, my career and my calling are not what I imagined them to be.
I am not who I used to be. There is no going back. I have made mistakes and some cannot be undone. I can only go from here. But somehow I am left with a feeling that I have missed the mark. That I have failed. That I should have chosen differently. I am also left with a terrible feeling that all that I previously invested my life in has not brought about the results, the fulfillment that I thought it would. I thought I poured my life out for something and it appears that I did not make a difference.

Resolving Conflict

I am hearing a lot about resolving conflict these days. Sometimes I think it is kind of funny about the people talking about it because the way they choose to resolve is simply to avaoid it all together. It's easy to resolve a conflict if you never have relationship with the person again!

The people that we should listen to about resolving conflict are the ones that actually work with the other person to resolve it. The book "Anatomy of Peace" is a good resource.

Beware the snakeoil salesman that would tell you to resolve your conflicts but does not live it.

Entitlement

So students in Quebec are protesting the govt again regarding the plans to implement tuition increases. As a graduate of university I find their actions deplorable. Tuition in that province is some of the lowest in the country and yet this entitled generation wants more. Let me say that I think it would be remiss for the govt to offer free education for university. It's important to pay for it. When people don't pay for it they don't appreciate it and they abuse it. These kids who have been arrested for doing stupid things while protesting should be made to dig some ditches. It might do them some good.

I'm Back

So it has been a while since I have blogged. Simply put. Life is busy and I have had other priorities. But I am reminded that I need to keep writing out my thoughts and interests as a way to keep growing. Not sure if anyone reads this and that does not really matter. What matters is that I write. I like the format of the blog because I can share those thoughts with a wider audience and sometimes gain feedback. But whether that happens or not really doesn’t matter. What matters is that I write. I have gotten away from this habit for far too long. So I need to re-commit myself to it. So here goes..once again into the fire.