LRT ride brings you into contact with range of annoying humanity
Types of offensive behaviour knows no bounds
By David Staples, Edmonton JournalDecember 15, 2010
Transit riders at Century Park station boarding the LRT on the first weekday of the new LRT extension from the Campus station to the new Southgate and Century stations in Edmonton, April 26, 2010.
Photograph by: Ed Kaiser, edmontonjournal.com
EDMONTON - You've heard of standing room only, right? Well, Edmonton's LRT trains are more packed than that these days. Transit officials define the density of people on trains at rush hour as "crush load," says transit spokesperson Patricia Dickson, adding that this is a regular occurrence on the LRT since the tracks expanded across the south side, super-saturating rush-hour trains with commuters.
I'm a regular LRT rider and have regularly experienced these crush loads.
I can report they aren't really so terrible, so long as you are able to function without oxygen for 10 to 15 minutes.
Of course, even with regular crush loads, things would be much more pleasant on our train system if we all knew how to behave on them. But Edmontonians, so used to having ample space to spread out all over their own personal LRT car in years past, haven't come close to figuring out how to be good neighbours when subjected to the crush load experience.
Oh sure, there's the odd person who moves right to the middle of the train and takes their spot, quietly and efficiently, or who sits tightly in their own seat, reading, texting, listening to quiet music or day-dreaming, but they are the minority when it comes to the Hinterland Who's Who of the LRT Zoo. Most riders, including me, engage in one or two anti-social behaviours.
Here is a list of the types of main train offenders:
The Nester: The most common type of LRT miscreant, with at least one or two on every train.
They sit down, then set down their books, shoes, lunch or backpack on the seat next to them.
This is OK when the train is near empty, but the Nester fails to quickly and politely move their stuff out of the way when a fellow rider approaches to sit down.
The Entitled: The seats are meant for two people, not so you can take up one-and-a-half spaces. That means move your butt over, oh Special One.
The Slowpoke: You're rushing to push that "door open" button before the train heads off , but someone is blocking your way, and that person ever so slowly, painfully slowly, strolls over to press the button, never getting there quite in time.
The Moths: They form in a group right around the doors to the train, like moths around an outdoor light, doing so even when there is plenty of space in the aisle.
The Town Criers: They conduct their loud conversation on a packed train while standing 10 or 20 feet apart.
The Stinker: If we're turning green in your pungent presence, it's not because the ride is bumpy.
The Swaggerer: This is a male, a late teens or twentysomething version of the Slowpoke. This slow-moving person takes up a lot of space when he saunters along, his muscle-bound arms way out wide, taking plenty of space as he exits or enters the train, pretending to be a gangsta or a rap star or something other than the meathead that he is, too cool for school but too dumb for the real world.
The Greedhead: When the train comes in, these people aggressively get first in line, so they can rush in and greedily park themselves in a prime seat.
The Steel Curtain: Another type that mass in a group. There is no getting through or around this gang blocking your way from exiting the car. Steel Curtains can also form on the elevator.
The Bad Samaritan: Keeps the train door open forever, doing so to allow some slowpoke to get on the train. This would be fine, but the door can electronically freeze up if it's open too long, stalling the entire train.
The Potty Mouth: If every second word out of your mouth is f---, could you please abstain from speech when you're around more civilized people?
The Bad Parent: If your child is out of control and you are doing nothing, that's not OK. If your child is out of control and you're screaming threats, that's also not OK.
The Fullback: He or she will bash right over fellow riders to get to the train on time.
The Hacker: We all sniffle and blow our noses on the train now and then, but if your cough is like the bark of a restless dog, you should be at home in bed.
The Future Deaf Person: Another common miscreant. Usually a teen or twentysomething with headphones on, the music blasting out so loudly I'm forced to partake in their hankering for Slipknot or Miley Cyrus, which is a cruel punishment. Of course, while there may not be an immediate punishment in return for such behaviour, this type is categorized as the "Future Deaf Person" for a reason.
The Backpack Basher: This type is unaware that when they make a quick turn on the train, their backpack swings around like a 50-pound boulder and bashes seated passengers in the face.
The Couple: Public displays of affection aren't welcome on the train.
The Gossip: I don't need or care to know that your boyfriend called his ex-girlfriend a "$#%$#@#$ cow."
The Snorer: Now, it's OK for you to snooze, but when you're sleeping, sometimes you're snoring, and that's not OK.
The Barfer: Enough said.
The Snob: Ostentatiously rolls eyes and tut-tuts bad behaviour of fellow riders. That would be me, I suppose.
